Panic
by coffeeshopcynic
Summary: SPOILERS FOR KILL SHOT! Detective Kate Beckett had been doing a good job of hiding her PTSD from Castle and the boys. At least she had been until a mad gunman roamed free among NYC causing havoc and pain.
1. Chapter 1

**Panic: Part One of Two**

**A/N: Omg that kill shot promo! I can't believe we have to waqit two weeks! If the wait doesn't kill us the episode surely will.**

**Anyways I know I should be working on Realize (any many other things such as my King Lear essay, grad transitions, my novel, and I don't know maybe sleep!) but that promo was far too enticing to pass up. So here is The first part of Panic which is from Kate's POV (the second half will Be from Castle's) **

**I hope you enjoy (I really really like reviews btw :D)**

**I obviously dont own Castle or I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it.**

**~Rose**

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><p><span>Kate:<span>  
>I knew Castle thought I couldn't handle this case and maybe he was right but I couldn't let him know that. Every time I heard a shot fired by this asshole all I could think of was the pain of the bullet ripping through my chest at Montgomery's funeral. As strong as I tried to be around Castle and the other members of the 12th, that day still haunted me. I didn't think I was going to make it; I thought I was going to die in Castle's arms. Now with a mad gunman loose in the city all these memories I've been trying to repress have come back to haunt me.<br>Castle is trying to help but he doesn't know the extent of what is going on. He doesn't even know I remember everything about the day I was shot. However he does know how badly I want to catch this bastard. "We're going to catch him Kate," he told me, using my first name like he always did when he was serious.

I was already frustrated with this case and I snapped at him. "You mean like how we caught the man who shot me?" I knew I wasn't being fair but at this point I didn't really care.

"We'll catch him Kate," Castle said again, looking me in the eyes. His eyes had been so filled with love and concern that at the time I had no choice but to believe him.

Now that I was alone in my apartment I wasn't so sure about anything. People were dying all around me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Right now they were only strangers, what was next? Friends? Family? Castle?

I knew drinking was never the answer, my father taught me that one, but right now I needed a stiff one. I took a deep breath, pushed the curls out of my face, and poured myself a drink.

I still had the bottle in my hand when the shot went off. It was deafening as it broke through both the glass of my window and the bottle in my hand. The bottle shattered, the alcohol drenching my shirt and the glass cutting up my arm. There was so much blood. The blood on my arm, the blood on the floor, the blood pounding in my ears… I couldn't see straight; I couldn't think straight. All I knew was it was too dangerous to stay here, yet I couldn't leave.

All I could see was the memory of Castle's body over mine as the pain surged through my body when I had been shot.

I don't know how I managed or how long it took me but I somehow managed to report this shooting to the precinct, clean my arm up, and bandage it. It was deeper than I originally thought and took a fair bit of cleaning.

I couldn't stay here but I was in no state to drive. I needed to see _him_. I didn't want him to see me in this state but I had to make sure he was safe. Calling wouldn't be enough; I needed to see him in person.

I called a cab which took me to the loft. I took another deep breath when I got to his door so he wouldn't see how upset I was. One deep breath turned to another deep breath, which turned into hyperventilating, which turned into a full blown panic attack. I sunk down againt the wall and let the sobs overcome me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Omg guys I am so sorry this took so long to finish. I just got it back after two weeks of not having it. I wrote the first part on my phone and school computer but I havent had time to work on the last part until today. I have been crazy busy. But anyways, I'll shut up now and let you read this. I hope you enjoy the rest of _Panic_ and please review.**

**I own nothing.**

**~Rose**

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><p><span>Castle:<span>  
>She wasn't at the precinct when I got there. The boys told me she had made a call saying she was shot at again. I could think of nothing but getting to her. I rushed to her apartment but she was gone. Her window was broken as was the bottle of alcohol on the floor. Pooled around the broken bottle was blood, which worried me and made me want to get to Kate even more.<br>I asked around but none of the cops on the scene had seen her either. Reaching into my pocket to grab my phone to call her, I discovered it wasn't there. Suddenly I remembered it was still on the floor in the loft where I had dropped it after the boys called me telling me to come to the precinct.  
>I got to the loft in record speed. I could hear the sobs as soon as I got off the elevator. "Beckett!" I called out the second I saw her slumped against my door, "Kate!"<br>She didn't say anything; she just looked at me with a scared look in her eyes. I knew she would beat herself up later about breaking down in front of me but for now I knew she just needed a shoulder to cry on.  
>I sat down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder. "Shhh, Kate. Its going to be okay."<br>She pulled away from me and tried to stand up. "I'm fine Castle," she said shakily while wiping away her tears.  
>"No you're not," I told her, "and that's okay." I moved closer to her again and she didn't pull away this time. "You don't have to be okay right now."<br>"I hate being weak Castle," she told me with sad eyes, "you know that."  
>"I do Kate. But you're upset and I'm here for you. Always." I wrapped my arms around her and she shuddered into them.<p>

I kissed the top of her head as I pulled her tighter to me. She was almost hyperventilating and I was afraid she was going to have another panic attack. "It's going to be okay Kate," I told her again. I knew this case would be too much for her.

"Every time I hear a noise or close my eyes all I can see is Montgomery's funeral. The bullet is piercing through my skin and you're above me begging me to stay alive," she whispered with tears in her eyes.

It dawned on me then. That's why this case was affecting her even more than I thought it would: she remembered. "What do you really remember Kate?" I asked her, rearranging her in my arms so I could see her face better.

"Everything," she whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked trying not to sound as upset as I was so I wouldn't upset her more.

"I was scared. What if I go down the rabbit hole again? I don't want to hurt you."

"We will figure it out Kate. We will get this sniper and one day we will get the dragon. Right now all you need to do is trust me." I pressed another kiss into her hair. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," she said looking into my eyes.

"Then we will get through this."

I knew nothing would be okay today, or even tomorrow, but one day it would be and we could dive in together.


End file.
